Bishop Mariann Budde shares her perspective on fostering bravery in children, emphasizing that courage is learned through experience and community.
At the National Cathedral, after Donald Trump’s inauguration on January 21, 2025, Bishop of Washington, Mariann Budde, delivered a powerful sermon, calling for mercy during a time of division. This moment ignited responses from various quarters; supporters hailed it as a courageous act, while critics accused her of political overreach. For Budde, however, it wasn't about bravery in the traditional sense—it was a necessary response to the moment.
On July 7, she will release her latest children’s picture book, I Can Learn to Be Brave, aimed at children aged 4 to 8. This book is the third in her series that began with the New York Times bestseller, How We Learn to Be Brave, and continued with the young adult adaptation We Can Be Brave. Each iteration conveys a vital message about bravery, now accessible to the youngest readers.
Understanding the Seeds of Bravery
Budde asserts that watching children grow is akin to witnessing a masterclass in courage. Children encounter countless firsts, from crawling to handling college applications, each representing a personal frontier. She cautions against overlooking the significance of these milestones, noting that they provide invaluable insights into bravery itself.
Most of us equate bravery with a certain fearlessness, classifying it as a fixed trait reserved for only a select few. But Budde challenges this view, suggesting that bravery is a skill we all cultivate. “Courage isn’t exclusive,” she explains. “It’s something we all possess and learn as we navigate new and often daunting experiences.” This perspective is especially potent in an age where youth anxiety is alarmingly prevalent. If bravery were purely innate, many children would be at a serious disadvantage. Instead, seeing it as a skill that can be developed allows even the most hesitant kids to practice and embrace their own forms of courage.
The Role of Failure in Building Courage
Failure, an inevitable aspect of growth, plays a fundamental role in developing bravery. Budde emphasizes that acknowledging one's inability to tackle something at a given moment is, in itself, a brave act. “Real courage,” she insists, “is being honest about your feelings and limitations.”
Reflecting on her parenting experience, she recalls advising her son Patrick, who pursued a theater major, about the inherent disappointments tied to the arts: “You’re going to have to get really accustomed to failure,” she told him, not as an admonition, but as a lovingly honest preparation for life. In her view, shielding children from hardship can lead to more harm than good. Instead, facing challenges with love and support constructs a foundation for children to maneuver through adversity.
Challenges for Parents
A noteworthy observation from Budde is that the emotional landscape can often be more challenging for parents than it is for their children. The true test of parenting arises when we must allow our children to undertake risks and confront challenges that lie beyond our control. It’s vital, she says, to stay attuned to when to encourage and when to hold back.
Budde shares poignant memories from her parenting journey, particularly during the aftermath of September 11 and while sending her son off to college. Both moments demanded an immense level of emotional resilience. Similar sentiments resonate with many parents who experience the bittersweet reality of watching their children step into new chapters of life, often with a mix of joy and anxiety.
Collective Bravery
Budde also insists that fostering bravery shouldn't happen in isolation. Reflecting on a municipal initiative in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, she encourages community involvement in nurturing environments where children can flourish. She highlights the responsibility of every adult—not just parents—to actively engage in creating spaces that empower children collectively.
A community’s investment in the wellbeing of all its children cultivates a wider culture of bravery. Budde believes that it’s critical for adults to participate in these environments actively, as simply delegating this responsibility will not suffice. The goal is to create cohesive support systems that bolster resilience among the youth.
A Lesson in Vulnerability
Budde embodies the notion that raising brave children is fundamentally about demonstrating resilience and courage as adults. Our children learn not just from our successes but also from our failures. They need to observe us grappling with challenges, acknowledging our imperfections, and striving to move forward despite setbacks.
This insight flips the narrative away from simply protecting children and moves towards teaching them through our practices. Budde’s approach emphasizes that every time we confront our worries and uncertainties, we provide a living lesson in bravery to our children. Her upcoming book, I Can Learn to Be Brave, is set to complement this message, guiding young minds as they navigate their fears and insecurities with newfound courage.
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